Whoops

I really need to get back on the wagon with this thing, huh?

So over the weekend, some hi-jinx occurred on the local County Sheriff's facebook page. Some people realize they have a surplus "Peacekeeper."  Numerous butthurt comments ensued, and the Chief Deputy went on a rant about it (the Sheriff was on vacation... cat's away, mice will play, etc.)  It was a pretty good rant though, so click through the break and laugh at the hippie butthurt.

Weekend rant from the Chief Deputy

This post is my personal commentary on how the end of my week at the Sheriff’s Office went. It doesn’t represent the official view of the office, and before the sheriff gets back from a well-deserved vacation, I thought I’d share this with you. I’m sure I will get an earful when he gets back.

As some of you know, we are relative newcomers to Facebook and all it brings. We here at your Sheriff’s Office were elated by all of the support and positive feedback that we have received in the last several weeks. However, on Friday and Saturday, I spent quite a bit of time addressing the dark side of Facebook.

I must apologize to some of you who may have been assaulted by a number of profane, disgusting, vulgar and just plain crazy posts to our page. It appears that our photo of the Special Response Team 1980 military surplus Peacekeeper armored rescue vehicle, which we received on a free permanent loan from the Department of Defense, was discovered by some out-of-state social malcontents. Once one patient picked up on it, before you know it, the entire asylum was in full swing. We tried to delete these revolting posts and comments as soon as we discovered them, but you may have been assailed with their filth before we could get to it.

Their messages were all over the board. Some of the posters were anti-government types, railing against our efforts to buy “tanks” for the purpose of killing American citizens who dare to stand up to the “government.” Black helicopters, gun bans/grabs, and “police state” references seemed to dominate their babble. I must say that their repeated references to Nazis betray their sheer historical ignorance of the magnitude of the evil that was perpetrated on human beings not that long ago; shame on them.

Another group was simply anti-law enforcement types. For them, law enforcement officers are nothing more than jackbooted thugs who prevent them from doing their drug of choice and can do no right. I wonder what they were arrested for in the first place to make them so angry.

A third group is fairly familiar to us in law enforcement: basic mopes (a law enforcement term) who only mean to whine and cause trouble because they have no talent for anything else. These simpletons claim that the majority of decent and law-abiding people fools and should join in with their battle against, well, anything and everything. Occupy this and occupy that was a common thread. How about this idea: Get out of your parent’s basement and try occupying a line of applicants for a job.

The last group consisted of those folks who were being affected by Martian radio waves that penetrated their aluminum foil hats. I don’t know how else to describe it; just plain goofy. There is no way to address this at our level. I wish I knew how to help them. Perhaps the Mother Ship will have mercy upon them and beam them up soon.

One saving grace was that these offensive dim bulbs were all from outside of Portage County. With one exception from Marathon County and one other person from Wisconsin, all were from out of state. Many even lived outside of the United States.

For those Americans who are misguided, I feel sorry for you, as you seem to hate the nation that protects you and has guaranteed the freedom that you have chosen to exercise on Facebook. We in Wisconsin can deal with our own state, thank you very much. What are you doing in your own back yard?

For those foreigners who felt it necessary to interject their opinions into our American internal affairs, with all due respect, butt out. Go fix your own dismal countries and envy us from afar. We have done fairly well up to this point without your help. By my estimation, we should fix our own problems just in time to bail you out again.

We are not afraid of hard questions and criticism, but how do you fight the bizarre, grotesque and insane? This is our page in Portage County, and I’ll be darned if I’ll let a bunch of kooks spoil the show. All I can offer to these reprobates is this advice: Take a shower, cut your hair and get a job.

— Chief Deputy Daniel Kontos